Tough Love

As I sit here typing, it is 12:35 a.m., and I'm waiting for little Miles to fall asleep. He's been crying for almost an hour. He has been the HARDEST baby of mine to sleep through the night. He has only slept through the night twice. Yes, that's right--2 times in his 4 month existance. Which means, that I have not had good REM sleep in months--you have to count the months that i was up peeing when I was pregnant. My first 3 were champs. Slept through the night at 2 months--no sweat!--seriously, it was a piece of cake. Where have I gone wrong? This kid is the lightest sleeper, and when he sleeps, his one eye is half way open. The minute you lay him down, he starts shaking his head side to side to the point that he had rubbed the back of his head raw and it started bleeding the other day. He just can't settle.--So, I really think it is all my fault though. I, because of serious exhaustion over the last 4 months, don't feel like letting him cry himself to sleep. Every night around 2a.m., he cries, I go get him and put him in bed with Owen and I. Big mistake I know. I'm just too dang tired to feed him and put him back to bed. He usually falls asleep with his face pasted up against my boob.--I also realize that this is not safe either. So, tonight I'm not getting him. It is totally a comfort thing and he needs to learn to comfort himself. I can't go on like this anymore--I'm really starting to get grouchy. Shhhhh..I think he is asleep--it's a miracle. But...I bet you he's awake and crying in 1 hour.--Cross your fingers!--nope, I was wrong, he's still crying--i better go reassure him that I still love him and haven't abandoned him.