The light at the end of the tunnel

Well, it's here. I can see the light. In 4 short months, Owen will graduate from his residency as a Pediatric Dentist. Something he has wanted since his 2nd year of dental school. It's hard to believe that we have finally made it. 13 1/2 years of marriage, 4 great kids, all of undergrad, all of dental school, a GPR, 1 year apart and 2 years of Pedo school. Soon....I will finally be able to buy my first home. One that I can paint the walls if I want to, instead of looking at the ol drab white color. One that I can dig up the backyard and have my own garden. And heck if we want a dog and a trampoline, we will get it because it will be ours! (sore spot right now since our current landlords won't let us have either because it will ruin the grass.)
So what's next for the Sanders? Well, you guessed it! We still don't know, as Owen and I are probably the most indecisive people out there. I think more me. Owen wants to work in an underprivlidged area and make peanuts, while I'm thinking lets go for the big bucks! I feel like I've put in my time, and really the only reason I agreed that OWen could do this program was because I knew the money would be better and we would be able to give our children things that we never had.--Not to mention retire early so we can go on missions. Owen--well he loves to work with kids, and this has been his dream for a long time. So he doesn't care. All he knows is that he doesn't want to work in some dental mill where they are in and out so fast that you can't remember who had what done, and then coming home so exhausted that he doesn't want to spend time with his own kids, he just wants to veg. (his current moonlighting job is like that and he doesn't enjoy it.)
So, maybe in 4 months we'll be packed up ready to go somewhere else. Maybe not. Maybe we won't have found that perfect place that doesn't exhist. I think I've had a vivid imagination about what life will be like when we're all done, so because we haven't found that dream place where there are mountains, small streams, a big house, lots of LDS kids to play with, make lots of money, and suburban near an ocean without grey winters--I know, I have high expectations and I know this place doesn't exist, but a girl can dream right?
For now, we went to Reno. Thumbs down. Owen gave me the silent treatment for a few days because he felt like I made a judgement of Reno in 2 hours and was ready to go home. It just didn't feel right
In 2 weeks we'll be off to Yakima WA. That's right--small town, grey winters, and I don't know what else, but I'm thinking theres not much there. But..I have a dear mission comp that lives there and loves it. It's a 2 year indian health cor for loan repayment.
He's also applied for one in Chatanooga TN.--You don't even want to know what's going through my head right now.
We still have Austin, and Colorado that are not ruled out yet either.
The good news is that if we haven't made our minds up by June, Owen can stay here in Vegas working for Absolute, so we'll still have a paycheck.
Looking back on the last 4 years has been interesting. Our first year out of dental school was rough. We lived in Allentown PA which was a gorgeous little town with so much outdoor beauty. It was a hard depressing year for me I think because I was expecting more than a very tight budget coming out of dental school. Especially since we had friends who worked for Comfort dental and were making a killing. I thought, "that should be me, but it's not." Everything that could have goine wrong did while we were there. Our car was stolen right out of our driveway, we had a sewage flood in our basement, we had the landlords from HELL, we had a fire, and we lived from paycheck to paycheck. But deep down, Owen really wanted to to pedo, and I don't think he would have gotten in unless he did this GPR.
After Allentown, Owen was offered a position for the pedo residency for the following year. knowing that he would be back in a school situation the following year we decided to live apart to pay off debt so we could go back to school. Owen could only practice in CA at the time, and there was no room to live with his parents, so I lived in Utah with the kids and my pregnant self, while Owen worked full time in CA and would visit everyother weekend. And I thought Allentown was depressing? That year living in the basment of my moms house with my 3 kids and being pregnant all alone was one of the hardest times of my life. But I knew that it had to be done so we could survive another 2 years.
So now in Vegas at UNLV life isn't too bad. Yes, Owen is busy. He just got finished being chief which took a lot of extra time. He has moonlighted every Saturday to compensate for the stab in the back UNLV gave us 4 weeks before the program began. "oh, and sorry we can't pay you that 45k each year you are here. you will get 35k for the 2 years and we will also need 60k in tuition. sorry for the change in plans." what do you do at that point? drop out? I don't think so. It's way too competitive to get in. So you suck it up and know that you will pay it off...... someday.
Saturdays are not easy days for me. I have the kids all day. FOr a while it was a lot of boredom, fights, messes and whining. But now they're in basball, basketball, and gymnastics. So our Saturdays consist of ME and ME only going to games and classes. at the end of the day, I've accomplished nothing at home,and somedays I feel sorry for myself that I don't have Owen to help me out--cause dragging Drew and especially Miles to all of this is more of the challenge than being gone all day. I enjoy cheering my kids on, I don't enjoy chasing Miles onto the basketball court because he's interfering with the game. Not to mention the many snacks and toys I have to pack up to keep him happy which usually doesn't help since he's so mischevious.
But, I can't complain the past 4 months, Owen usually has Fridays off. We bike with the kids to the park, go out to lunch and we'll even get a babysitter and go out by ourselves--we do that a lot.
I guess I can say that I survived! It was rough, but it will be worth it and I made it. These last 2 years have been better because I always manage to take time out for myself. I love my kids, but I have to have "me" time so I can function from day to day. I think it makes me a better mom. 4 kids can send you to the cleaners very quickly if you can't keep sane. So I always get my daily gym fix, whether it be during the day,or late at night. It's such a destresser. I have my bunco group once a month, and great friends. Love having Angie near by even though we don't see each other as often as I'd like. She's a great friend.
So more to come in the next couple of months I hope. Staying in Vegas isn't on the plan. As much as I LOVE the winters here, my ward, my kids friends, and the major ammenties here, I do not like the dreadful summers here, nor do I like desert life. 10 4 for now. update later.